I finished the book.
I’m 6 months booze free and 20 pounds of depression, booze and bull shit fell off. Whaddaya know?
PS - your friends will leave or you will leave. Bull shit doesn’t sustain.
The Kavanaugh hearings have inspired me to write about every time I’ve had to leave people or jobs because of sexual harassment, violence, aggression, rape … misogyny. So sad to know it includes women holding up these shit dudes.
“The only clear view is from atop a mountain of your dead selves.”— Peter Carroll
(via jojobahoe)
Instead of separating your behaviors and choices into good and bad categories, you need to learn how to let yourself be a human of many seasons. Respect your natural ebb and flow. Respect that you’re adventurous and you’re also a stick in the mud. Respect that you’re taking a huge leap and you’ll probably miss home often. Make some space for your own longing and ambivalence, and resolve not to treat these as moral failings on your part. Let go of the guilt that kicks up around being who you are.
This is how you’ll stay out of a rut: by letting yourself be a rut-loving motherfucker sometimes. This is how you stay out in the world: by giving yourself the freedom to hide when you really feel like it. Declare your habits acceptable, within moderation. There is not a good way and a bad way of living. You can do anything you fucking like. Use your times of quiet, private laziness to fuel your outgoing, brave bursts of covering new ground. Reward periods of hard work with small indulgences.
Because once you manage to find balance in your life, you develop the ability to savor the work and the reward. You savor the courage andsavor the fear. You’re proud of your toughness and you’re also proud of your ability to remain vulnerable and open in spite of all you’ve been through.
Occasionally you’ll still get a little stuck. You’ll retreat too far into yourself, you’ll indulge too much, and you’ll avoid the world again. Forgive yourself in advance for these things. Allow yourself some space to be human. Sometimes when you try to embrace a rut and really enjoy it instead of fighting it, that makes it easier to get out of a rut. I’ve been noticing this a lot lately. When I find myself strenuously avoiding my work, I try to give myself a little time to relax and be lazy. I try to step back and take in the moment without punishing myself for not being industrious around the clock. I try to be a friendly, forgiving boss to myself instead of a merciless tyrant.
Ask Polly: I’m Starting a New Life, But There’s So Much Pressure to Get It Right!
(via jojobahoe)
"To heal a wound you need to stop touching it."- Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
"Significance stares at me from everywhere, like a gigantic underlying ghostliness."- Anaïs Nin, from “House of Incest,”
no one’s awful but there are people who try and people who don’t
being alone is hard
but a lot of people don’t get this opportunity
some people crave it
some people would thrive in it
and i just villify it and romanticize it and feel it
and need to throw away the word ‘just’.
im going to therapy, trying to learn more about how to deal and succesfully live with me and how harsh i am with myself
i want to accept me
and want to help everyone accept themselves
but i cant do it all
i break and need to diffuse
i wanted friends that accepted me for me who i was and what i have
and theyre all just liars. when push comes to shove, no one tries that extra step to step through the muck that is depression
i did. I really fucking did. For every and any person I knew going through it.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh your self-indulgence and delirium are nauseating
one day I’ll get over the poison you left in my veins
until then
I will slowly extract it
examining each drop
wondering why I didn’t care
when I watched you brew it
